Vasectomy
I know vasectomy is an often discussed and, usually, cringe-inducing, topic. Too many men think the days after a vasectomy feel like this:
So let us here at Midtown Urology try to shed some light on this oft-misunderstood topic. What is a vasectomy? Does it work? Is it permanent? Is it reversible? How much does it hurt?
The vasectomy is a procedure to induce sterilization in men, and you should consider it permanent. There are a lot of worries for every man considering a vasectomy, but rest assured:
In our opinion, none of those worries should compare with the fear you should feel of fate like this:
A vasectomy will remove a small segment of the vas deferens on either side. The vas is the tube that carries sperm from the testicles up to the seminal vesicles, through the prostate, out the penis, and into your old gym sock. The prostate contributes greater than 90% of semen, so, it’s mostly unchanged after a vasectomy. At Midtown Urology, we further cauterize (the fancy medical word for burn) and then apply titanium clips to the remaining ends. With these techniques, the risk of failure is extremely low.
You’re going to be sore for a while after a vasectomy. We recommend you take at least three days to relax on the couch. Watch Netflix while you ice your junk. There are other perks! You won’t be in the clear to stop using contraception until you’ve ejaculated more than 30 times. Depending on how quickly you achieve this goal, anywhere from 2-4 months later, you’ll need to leave two semen samples that we check to be sure they’re clear. You may not attempt to "obtain" your samples in our office. This is frowned upon.
So, what’s not to love? Doctor-ordered ejaculations? A weekend of rest and relaxation? Leaving your specimen in a cup? All good stuff. You’ll have pain meds and a few days of antibiotics to take home. The procedure takes about 20 minutes. You’ll arrive in our office and receive nitrous oxide (laughing gas). An injection of numbing medicine is usually the worst part. However, we now offer a needle-less injection called Lenis. After that, you enjoy the nitrous oxide while we chat about sports, jobs, whatever you want. We’ll handle the rest.
After the procedure, you are not clear to stop using contraception until you’ve met all the above criteria. I repeated that for a reason. Most of the "oops" babies post-vasectomy are born from the sperm still stored in your testes. We can’t get that out for you, sorry guys. There is a tiny chance of long-term failure; I usually quote 1 in 1,000. But with our enhanced techniques, the odds are in your favor.
There are a couple of options if you change your mind. There is a procedure to reverse vasectomies that is sometimes effective, but not 100%. We can also extract sperm directly from your testicles. This seems an appropriate punishment since I told you that you’re supposed to consider this permanent, but you changed your mind anyway. We can also talk about sperm banking before the procedure if you want to hedge your bets a little.
Vasectomy Party – Chips, Dips, and Snips
Misery loves company, right? Why not make a party out of the day? We specialize in the Vasectomy Party. Come to our office, hang out with your bros, watch SportsCenter with chips and salsa…and make sure you’re not the next Antonio Cromartie.
This Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
